Wow! Its been quite some time since I’ve written anything.  I’ve debated on writing this piece for a few weeks and decided now was a good time.  The reason I have been hesitant is this makes me feel vulnerable.  And I just don’t like vulnerability.  I don’t like it in any form, whether physical, mental, emotional, I hate it all.  However, as things change, I feel its becoming more and more noticeable so its time to share some life updates.

You all know what happened last year.  If not, you can read about it here.  It was a whirlwind.  And surprisingly, against all odds, we thought I had come out of it just as normal as before.  A year and a half later, we are learning that may not be the case.  People close to me have seemingly noticed I was having more frequent memory lapses.  I may have a conversation and not only not remember the details a few hours later but I may not even remember having the conversation.  I didn’t believe it at first but then I started noticing things too.  It became incredibly frustrating.  See, I was always the guy with a great memory.  I never wrote things down.  I didn’t have to.  I knew I would never look back at my notes because I remembered everything.  This was becoming a whole new world for me.

Like I wrote before, I still have spells where I don’t sleep much.  Or at least not good or very long.  So I chalked it up to lack of sleep, normal aging, etc.  Everyone forgets, right?  This has however become increasingly problematic and frustrating.  Just last week I was talking to a couple of gentlemen when a slight, I mean 5-10 second, interruption occurred.  Afterwards, they both turned back to me and I knew I was talking, but I had no clue what I was saying or even what the subject was we were talking about.  I had to tell them I forgot what I was saying.  Then we just moved on.  I’m sure they didn’t think anything of it yet it was super frustrating for me.

I knew it was time to see what I could do.  Something had to be done.  I had an appointment with my cardiologist that over saw my entire ordeal.  I told him what I was experiencing with memory loss.  He was not surprised and told me that was probably an effect of being unconscious.  They had lowered my body temperature in an attempt to minimize brain or other organ damage but it did not guarantee anything.  He told me these symptoms were common and expected.  He also gave me some good news.  There is a new, patent pending medication that has been shown to help in similar cases.  This medication has been shown to reduce effects in people with traumatic brain injuries.  He felt I would be a good candidate for this medication.  It has to be compounded and I know a good compounding pharmacist that I trust.  After speaking with her, I decided it was certainly worth a shot.  I started this medication last week and I look forward to how it will improve my life.  I will also be participating in a study to track the results.

I share all of this to say, please don’t take it personal if I have forgotten something with you recently.  Please show me a little mercy if you’ve had to ask for something more than once.  Please know that it is not intentional and I am not blowing you off if I over-commit and double book myself.  I am writing things down now and keeping a better calendar of things I’m supposed to be doing.  I will not feel bothered or annoyed if you ask me for something again.  I will most likely feel more upset with myself for not remembering and not taking care of you in the first place.  Trust that I am working to correct, or at least minimize, this so I can continue to be a good friend and professional in the future. I look forward to speaking with you soon. And you can even test me afterwards to check my memory of our conversation. I’m determined to improve!